2 years ago

Well, 2 years ago to the day I was told I had to have a hysterectomy. There were masses that were growing fast in my uterus, it was riddled with disease and crippled to the point of no return. So with the support of my family and close friends I made the decision. I still look back at that day and remember how scared I was and how sad my mom looked when we heard the news. But when I look back I also remember that right now, I am healthy and disease/cancer free. I am happy. I am no longer in pain. I may not be able to have my own kids but I will be an amazing mother regardless of blood. I am a different person than I was 2 years ago because of what I had to go through back then. I am a better person, I am stronger and wiser. I had to grow way beyond my years that day but I have been battling ever since and I wouldn't change that for the world....

3 years, 7,000 miles and FINALLY we are Reunited in TEXAS

Well, after 3 years Jenn and I were finally able to see each other while she was doing some training in Texas. I couldn't tell you how awesome it was to have her in the US and to actually be able to see her. We have been unable to see each other every time she has come home due to surgeries or school things so it was GREAT to finally see her. We only got 2 days but man was it fun! And its funny that after 3 years of not seeing each other how fast we got back to being exactly the way we were when we lived in E-Burg. I loved it!

 I took Jenn to get her very first frozen yogurt and she absolutely LOVED it

 we went to a wild game farm that you drive your own car around in and boy was that an adventure

 My AMAZING girlfriend Kira from back in WA came out for a girls night with us, this is her and Jenn at Howl at the Moon :)

 Our FIRST pic together since 2008 :) and notice the HUGE margarita

 Kira and I at Howl at the Moon-had so much fun and I love this girl more than you know!

 pretty Zebra

 look at those adorable ears :)

And we took a trip to see the Alamo. It was smaller than we both imagined it would be, but pretty nonetheless.

On another note, school is going great, we have about 7 months until we graduate and boy we are counting down the days (obviously). Things have started slow but I am sure they will pick up big time here in the near future (once basketball starts for me). I am co-captain of our Relay for Life team this year and I am also on the committee of planning it. I am pretty excited about it since I am a survivor and it is close to my heart. I am in charge of the Survivorship portion, so LET THE PLANNING BEGIN!!  Two months until I go home for Christmas and I can't wait to see my growing and adorable niece who just keeps getting bigger and bigger! Welp, there is the update for now! I will blog again soon!

And the fall is nearing....

Awww I love that moment when you just know it's fall!! And it has just started to hit here in Omaha...some chilly days followed by extremely HOT and HUMID days, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. We are all settling back into our fall routine for classes, work and sports schedules and things are going quite nicely. We are all moved into the huge apartment and loving every minute of it. I just can't believe we are 7.5 months away from graduating! That is just so crazy to me!! But I love it.

Round 2 starts NOW.....

Well, graduate school year 2 begins already!! It seems like yesterday when I moving to Nebraska to start, now I've got 10 months until I am done :) It's crazy to me to be honest. But I love it and I wouldn't change anything....my internship this summer was beyond amazing. I gained a wealth of knowledge, found an amazing mentor and got more practical experience than I ever could have imagined. It was quite the experience. I am beyond blessed to have found such a rock solid community back home in WA.

School started Monday and me, Heidi, Nate and Katie are almost fully moved into our apartment. We got lucky and found a 1,750 sq ft apartment about 8 minutes from campus for a decent price and believe when I say the pictures below DO NOT do it justice at all. We are settling in and thoroughly enjoying our time together. We have some pretty fun stuff planned in the next few weeks, so I will update pictures as I can :)

Things are going okay for me post-surgery. I think that the biggest change for me is being in full blown menopause and all the side effects from it.  I have now started taking a once a day women's menopause pill to try and control some of the symptoms I am getting, so we will see how those work. For me its just one of those things I will have to get use to and anyone who knows me, knows that I adapt pretty damn well considering all of the things that have been thrown my way in the past few years.

 my BH CREW!!!

 Bubba & Millie--two of my oldest and dearest friends

 some of my FAV CWU girls in Spokane

me at the Rainiers game WORKING with my AMAZING internship...

 group out at Whiskey Tango

 some of the girls

 again

 pretty flowers at the house

 this AMAZING church in Gretna

 just gorgeous

 one wall in my room

 desk & bookshelf

 my fav girls

 bed with more pics above it

 gotta love my country cross

 front hall in the apartment

 kitchen

 one view of the living room

 dining room (not done yet)

 another view of the living room

 hall towards bedrooms

 Katie & my bathroom

 Laundry room

So here's to our LAST year in graduate school...the count down to May 5 begins NOW!!!

The toughest decision I've ever made...

For those of you who know me well, you know my medical past and what's currently going on. For those of you who don't you are going to get a quick run down because tonight I feel like telling some of my story. When I was 15, I got diagnosed with endometriosis which is a disease of the endometrium lining in your uterus. About 3 years ago I got worse as far as pain and bad side effects from medication I had been on for years. It was tough for not only me but for my family and friends that had to sit by and watch me suffer. Finally, after about 4 surgeries, countless ER visits, thousands of dollars in doctors & ER bills, 6 doctors and some of the worst days of my life I found out that I had no choice but to have a hysterectomy at the age of 23. I had a little bit of a choice, but with how bad off I was I had to choose to have the surgery. I was 23, scared to death and I knew that this decision could change the rest of my life. And it did, for both the good and the bad. Having a hysterectomy meant I couldn't have kids of my own but it also meant that I would be pain free and have a better quality of life. It meant that I wouldn't have to be in the ER 3-4 times a month getting pumped full of pain meds but it also meant I'd be subjected to hormone replacement therapy for the rest of my life. It meant no more having to skip class or work because I was in too much pain to move but it also meant being at a 30% greater chance of developing breast cancer later in life. It was a decision that only I could make, no one could make it for me. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wonder what could have been but I made the decision that I thought would work best for me. In September, after I moved to UNO I got sick again and the doctor told me that my L ovary was tied to the side of my abdomen with barely any blood supply so it had to be taken out. That was tough, 1,500 miles from my family in a new state and having to rely on the support of my classmates, who stepped up to the job and helped me more than I could have ever expected them to. When I came home for the summer, I met with my doctor that did my hysterectomy and told her what was going on, she ran test after test and I had another hard decision to make-do I leave my R ovary and be in pain for the next 20 years or do I have the R ovary taken out and finally get rid of all the endometriosis in my abdomen? So on August 1st, I will be having my R ovary taken out just in time to head back to Omaha for my final year in graduate school. I think I wanted to tell "my story" for a few reasons; one being so people can know how I have become the person I am today, another being so I could finally put it all in writing and the final being so people knew that this wasn't easy. Most people who know me well, know that I play off my disease and troubles pretty easily. I make it seem like it's nothing, but it's not nothing and having a hysterectomy at 23 was the TOUGHEST thing I have ever been through. There are plenty of days that I find myself crying for no reason. It happens when I hold my brand new baby niece, it happens when I find out my friends are pregnant, it happens randomly. I want people to know that my decision wasn't made lightly. I sat up many nights with my mom crying and arguing over what the right thing to do was. I went to counseling and talked it over with people I knew I could trust. I don't think that people will ever fully understand what I went through. No one can feel the pain I went through, no one can feel the emotions I have and no one can ever say they understand what this has been like. My family has been my strongest support over the past 10 years but not even they fully grasp how hard this all has been for me. I can't have kids, at least not in the natural way most people do. So if you have kids, count  your blessings and realize there are people, like me who can't have kids and it might be killing them to face that fact. I have been blessed with a good support system over the years. My parents have been my rock and soul and have seen me through the worst times in my life. My mom has sat in ERs for hours on end just to see me cry and scream in pain, all the while feeling helpless. My dad has watched his baby girl hurt and grieve and still put on a brave face. My siblings (all four of them) have seen me fight for the life I still have. My aunt & uncle have given me strength and love each and every day through prayer. And my closest friends have been my northern star and guided me through this storm. Those close friends know who they are because they helped me grieve, they've seen me cry and they've talked about my decision until I can't talk anymore. Thank you to those who have been there, who have been sensitive to my situation and not made it seem easy. Thank you to my family for being my everything when I needed them the most....

And the internship keeps on rolling

I never thought I would be so in love with something so quickly. I have been at my internship for about a month now and I am just madly in love. I have found what I truly think I could do for the rest of my life. I have been able to observe surgeries, eval patients, sit it on physician lectures and learn from one of the BEST ATC's I have ever met. I am a VERY lucky girl to have found such a great internship to learn at. I can't believe how fast it is flying by though, I just never want it to end.

I have had some great times at home as well. As busy as I am, I have tried my best to connect with the people I have truly missed the most. I have family dinners 3-4 times a week with my parents and siblings, I attend church every saturday with my aunt, uncle and my two cousins, I see Steph, Justin & Hudson as much as I can (although it has been tough lately). I am just trying to soak it all in.

I was lucky enough to travel to Spokane last weekend to witness Rachel & Dave get married. I saw Ashley, Bo & Sadie for the first time in a year and got to see Rae again. Ash and I had a girly day Friday with Sadie, then I watched Ash, Nate, Tony & my NEW friend Kat play in hoopfest before we went to the wedding. I had a GREAT date for Rae's wedding in Brett (a long time college friend) and definitely made some memories with some people I havent seen since I moved to Omaha. All in all, I'd say that the summer thus far is going great. I truly do love it here, but I do miss everyone back in Omaha as well. I can't wait to get back and start my last year in graduate school with some of the best ROOMMATES-Nate, Heidi & Katie, and also have more adventures with my amazing classmates.

It's funny because ALL of the stuff I have done this summer has kept my mind off the fact that I have to have my R ovary taken out and have to go through another surgery and now be on some heavy duty hormones for the rest of my life. It sucks, it truly does and there's not a day that goes by where I don't question why I had to get so sick but I am lucky in the fact that I have amazing support in my family and close friends....

here are some updated pics :)

 and truly the best friends I could ever ask for..

 some of my fav girls out in Spokane

 best reunion to date...

 Brett and I at the reception

 my adorable nephew and me

 awww Rae, I love you so much!!

 Kat & I out on the town...

 our tent at Sound to Narrows

 my desk at work :) full of "suggested" reading material from the docs

 us girls reunited at the wedding :)

 Steph & I at Spencer's grad

 Rae, Dave & Me after the ceremony

Bo, Ash & Sadie at hoopfest-cutest family ever